At Times Like These

At times like these I like to reflect on the good things in life. All the wonderful experiences I've had, and all he people I've known. Last summer was such a great one. I felt good and happy, and that's where all these oldies came from.

I am at a seriously crossroads in my life. I do not know where I want to go or what I want to do. I don't feel specifically talented and I am torn as to which college to go to. It's so scary, this whole growing up thing. And it takes a lot out of me. I work really hard to be the person I want to be, but I keep getting side tracked. I feel high school poisoning me, with useless drama, stupid pressures, and the complete and utter feeling of not being good enough. Will I be good enough? I am having trouble believing so.

I know what I should do, apply for a school, get in, and studystudystudy. But what? I have no idea! Here is what I would love to do more than anything. My little fantasy. Travel cross country. Stopping and seeing everything worth wild. Learning Italian and learning guitar. Taking a million photographs. Reading every book on my list. Meeting new people. Discovering new foods. Drawing and seeing things from a new perspective. Having no plans and just simply enjoying the ride. I want to do that more than anything.

Then, on the other hand, I want to just crawl into a ball and not wake up until my life stops sucking. Blah, times like these. I wish things didn't hurt this much, and sometimes I wish I wasn't so different. I guess that's not really true though. I know I am different for a good purpose. But it really sucks sometimes.

I wish I would stop being so damn depressed. I need to take care of myself now because I do not like this feeling.