Stuck in Limbo

Oh webcam pictures. So flattering. 

I am in such a funny place right now. 

Here it is, August.

Usually at this time I would be getting ready for girl's camp and thinking about starting back up at school.

But, not this year.

It feels so funny not to be doing the usual. 

It feels even worse to lose friends. 

The first of my friends is leaving this week and then it will be a nonstop train after that.

I mean I guess this change is natural and I just need to get used to it.

But I really don't like it. I also really hate not having a plan.

WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!

I don't know yet, and I just need a sign! 

It is so weird. The goal has always been to get into college.

Okay, that happened. NOW WHAT DO I DO? 

I've been feeling so unreal these past few weeks.

Summer started out SO fun, with lots of adventures and parties.

But, now real life is here; its starting.

And I'm not ready. 

I'm not sure what to do with my life.

I'm not skinny enough yet.

I feel like I am going to lose everyone important to me. 

I'm not smart enough.

I am just not in the right place in my life for college to start.

I was hoping I would be, but I'm just not ready.

All I can think of is the momma and daddy bird pushing the baby out of the nest.

And they just need to learn how to use their wings right then and there.

Maybe this is how it is supposed to be. 

Maybe by next summer I'll have it all together.

Maybe I will be at the weight I want.

Maybe I'll have a clue where I'm headed. 

I at least can't wait to have my license back and party. 

Now there is something to look forward to ;)

Holy crap, this post is depressing.

I need to get back to my emma self. I NEED TO BE HAPPY.

Where the heck is my confidence?

I'm just so sick and tired of being the way I am. 

Actually, I'm going to go to the doctor and make sure everything is okay.

I'm crazy tired. And the fact that I eat like a rabbit but can't shed this weight is an issue.

Like, UGH can I just be smaller already? I'm doing all the right stuff.

Whoa man, time to stop complaining.

Okay, breathe in the good. exhale the bad.

inhale, exhale. inhale, exhale.