Fresh

So I actually took this when I was in SLC last month, but you know how awesome I've been with pictures this year! But anyways..

This weekend was filled with so much wonderful/crazy stuff!!

I got to see some old friends, I visited some other colleges, and most importantly I got away from Idaho!

It was such a great time and I am filled with thoughts!

To begin with, I am really conflicted on where to continue my education!

Idaho doesn't have my major, so I am battling a major dilemma. 

I also am having a bit of a financial situation which doesn't help.

& I have been going off the deep end with health. Over indulging, with less exercise 

is not helping my waistline!

So here is the list of goals I've got coming for myself...

NO sugar! It is the silent killer, and it just fuels my binge habits. 

I swear if I cut that out, & add more leafy greens to my diet, I'll be solid gold & feel like a million bucks. 

ALSO I want to start crossfit! Yes, it's insane! But I like insane things! & I like a challenge that pushes me!

I am also thinking of a 5K in July, which I know isn't major, but I'd still like to be in decent running shape. 

So the point is cutting out sweets & treats! I have them too often, and they are just weakening all my hard work! So there is goal number 1! It is really going to help me get strong!!

The rest of my goals are mostly for when I get home and they are, 

saving mad amounts of $$$$

learning guitar from my daddy

having more quality time with the family!

less screen time--this is major important to me!!

reading more often---staying up to date with culture

staying spiritually connected

getting fit and toned (but that goes along with the sugar one)

figuring out my life!!!!!!! ugh!!!

& most importantly STAYING POSITIVE AND HAPPY!!!!

I am so outrageously excited for going home and getting back in balance & it starts now!!

I am practicing some serious self love, & I've decided to stay busy and happy!

Here's to life and making it count!!

I feel like I always compare myself to others, and count on them for my happiness

but now I realize that is complete BS and my life is mine and I get to be whatever I choose to be!

So I am choosing to be strong, healthy and happy!!

I am pumped for a fresh start here, and I am feeling really motivated. Let's keep this up!

Went to Barnes & Noble today and picked up "The Virgin Diet."

Kind of interesting, and might be worth a try!

Um hi. Time to make my blog a more happy place to be. Can we talk music crush now? JT foreva baby

I HATE BINGE EATING. I'm starting to think I am not in control of it. I feel like I don't even realize how stressed out and emotional I am until I've eaten enough to feed 5 people. What the heck! Now that I have a pile of junk rotting in my stomach & intestines; polluting my bloodstream with gunk; making my fat cells blow up; pizza-ing up my face; and deteriorating my body and all the hard work I put into it, I feel like poop. There is all this artificial crap, sugar, and fat making me lose my glow and I just wonder, what the heck is wrong with me! I don't even like the crap I ate. I love eating healthy. So why the hell do I do this to myself?

It's cause I am lonely. I am scared of what I am doing and especially what I am not doing. I have all these fears and thoughts and I just don't know how to express myself in a healthy way. So I go off the deep end and eat. It freakin sucks because I could seriously be healthy and at my goal weight right now if I could just get my friggin act together.

I'm bouncing back. THIS IS FREAKIN IT. I've got to work on my emotional problems and jump back on the healthy living track ASAP. I only have 5 weeks left here, and warmer weather is here. Meaning it is almost time to unveil the new bod. And it is far from ready. I've got to get back into it. I have 20 pounds left to lose. Probably more after tonight's episode of 'Emma freaking loses her mind and eats enough peanut butter to last a week." Not to mention all the other crap I ingested. I've got major toning to do as well, and that is going to take quite a bit of time. How am I ever going to recover my body if I keep screwing up like this? I am basically just screwing my future self over.

I want to be a good example to my family. Not just my family now, but my future one. I want my kids to look at there mom and not see a fat slob that can't stop eating. I want to be in control and get to my goal weight. Honestly I just want to be healthy without having these ridiculous episodes. Tomorrow is a brand new day, and I am ready for hardcore recovery and progress!

35 days left here, I am going to make it count!!! I really really am!