I HATE BINGE EATING. I'm starting to think I am not in control of it. I feel like I don't even realize how stressed out and emotional I am until I've eaten enough to feed 5 people. What the heck! Now that I have a pile of junk rotting in my stomach & intestines; polluting my bloodstream with gunk; making my fat cells blow up; pizza-ing up my face; and deteriorating my body and all the hard work I put into it, I feel like poop. There is all this artificial crap, sugar, and fat making me lose my glow and I just wonder, what the heck is wrong with me! I don't even like the crap I ate. I love eating healthy. So why the hell do I do this to myself?

It's cause I am lonely. I am scared of what I am doing and especially what I am not doing. I have all these fears and thoughts and I just don't know how to express myself in a healthy way. So I go off the deep end and eat. It freakin sucks because I could seriously be healthy and at my goal weight right now if I could just get my friggin act together.

I'm bouncing back. THIS IS FREAKIN IT. I've got to work on my emotional problems and jump back on the healthy living track ASAP. I only have 5 weeks left here, and warmer weather is here. Meaning it is almost time to unveil the new bod. And it is far from ready. I've got to get back into it. I have 20 pounds left to lose. Probably more after tonight's episode of 'Emma freaking loses her mind and eats enough peanut butter to last a week." Not to mention all the other crap I ingested. I've got major toning to do as well, and that is going to take quite a bit of time. How am I ever going to recover my body if I keep screwing up like this? I am basically just screwing my future self over.

I want to be a good example to my family. Not just my family now, but my future one. I want my kids to look at there mom and not see a fat slob that can't stop eating. I want to be in control and get to my goal weight. Honestly I just want to be healthy without having these ridiculous episodes. Tomorrow is a brand new day, and I am ready for hardcore recovery and progress!

35 days left here, I am going to make it count!!! I really really am!