Days go so quickly and all seem to blur together. I fear how quickly they slip away. I'm wasting all of my precious time. It is scary being sick.

I've added "limited television time" to my new year res list. It is junk for the mind. Plus it makes concentrating on stimulating/progressive activities harder. 2014 is going to be different. I think it is going to be the year I really fly the nest and land on my feet. It is going to be the year I can successfully handle my highs and lows out there on my own. Education and practice is the solution to all growth. I will be okay.

I know I've already written my res list, but here is the updated one I have hung in my room where it can't be ignored....

-eat clean
-fitness routine
-scripture challenge
-temple trips
-journal everyday
-read more
-drink more water
-save $$$
-take long walks
-practice yoga regularly
-get good grades
-limit TV time

It's a lot. I'm not planning on going from 0 to 60 right away.  But if by the end of the year I can look back on this list and feel good about it, then I will feel accomplished.

Today I did great with the water thing. I'm pretty sure I peed like 20 times. I began the day with a weight check-in and a "before" picture. Yikes. Both occurrences where not ideal. I've got to start somewhere though. I was pretty lazy today and did not do much with the fitness aspects. I at least did a rep or too with my weights. Hey, it was a start. I'm ending my day with a little Bible action. So check me off on that res! All in all, not the worst start. I ate clean *almost* all day and made some delicious nutrition bars.

Life's not awful! Plus I heard from my BFF Char who's in Romania on a Mormon mission. She always makes me feel better...and slightly saner. Yay for hope.

RESOLUTIONS

2014 is a chance for a new start. Something I am in desperate need of.

1. EAT CLEAN: Lot's of vegetables, protein, whole grains, nuts/seeds, and fruit. Cut the crap. 

2. SWEAT: 5 times a week. Push yourself [cardio, arms, abs.] 

3. SCRIPTURE: New Testament challenge with Charlotte. 

4. JOURNAL: Every single day. Even if it is just a few sentences. 

This are totally do-able right?! Cheers!

Let Me Explain

Watch out, this post is going to be crazy long!

I ditched my blog when I started going downhill. I wanted to have a fresh start and forget my past meaning all this posts that I deemed pointless. But now, I realize that just reveal my journey. I am not the same person who wrote what I did, whether it was yesterday or months ago. I am constantly evolving and changing. 

That is why I feel it is time to come back to this blog that holds so many thoughts, interests and moments that I know I won't want to forget. Maybe some, yes, but it is all part of MY story. 

With that said, I would like to fill you in with what has been happening with my story. Let's just say 2013 cannot get over fast enough for me. I keep seeing posts about what a wonderful year it has been from others and I am so far along the other end of the spectrum. 

I was diagnosed with an eating disorder back in May, and I spent my summer in therapy. I moved out of my parents again in September to attend a state school which did not work out. I withdrew mid-October and was diagnosed with clinical depression. I moved back home and began antidepressants. I started off with Prozac and I have just recently weened myself off of that to try Zoloft because I have shown no improvement. It has been a long hard journey thus far.

I don't want to make this a sob story or anything like that because I believe that everything happens for a reason. I have learned a LOT about myself this year. It has been a year of growth for me. And although my confidence has fallen short lately, I definitely have more respect for myself and my needs. I realize the importance of standing alone and putting myself first. It has been difficult, but I have definitely made some choices this year that I am proud of. 

With that said, I am ready to get back to blogging. One of my resolutions this new year is to journal every single day. I do not know whether that will be in blog form or old school pen and paper, but I would really like to make that a priority. I think it is one of the cheapest forms of therapy and a serious mood booster. 

So get ready for a new year and lots of changes. 

I guess this post wasn't as long as I thought! 

Merry Christmas!!