Dressed up all pretty today, but I haven't even stepped foot outside.

Stupid homework. Why do you like to pile up on me like this?

Sigh. In other news, I got a care package from my bestest friend Brittany.

It basically made me feel a million times happier.

Also I went to the gym yesterday and I LOVED IT

I forgot how great it feels. So that is happening SO much more often. I swear. 

Also, tomorrow is halloween & my roommate and I are listening to Christmas music.

Haters gonna hate, right? 

Happy Sunday

Sunday afternoon documentary. I crieddd

I'm Sorry

I apologize for the profanity.

BUT HOLY CRAP, THIS BLOG 

I seriously cracked up for a good 20 minutes

Productivity

Today I got some stuff done..cray cray

-dry brushed my skin, tmi? maybe. but it's a big deal. it's real good for your largest organ.

-took a math test. 92% owned it!

-went to the math lab, did homework like a boss.

-completely decked out our apartment door with halloweenie goodness, we rock

-went to a seminar thingy for science, 2% extra credit for the class, woot woot

-AND (saved the best for last) went to a mormon SEX class for women, totally interesting

Also, I ate good, got a halloween package from the fam, and it snowed.

Oh wait, that totally sucks. Now I think it's close to Christmas but it's really not. 

Happy Halloween Mother Nature? I guess this is my unofficial welcome to Idaho.

christmas music is happening now. i dont even care. sinatra holiday pandora station = true love

Thoughts

So, I love this picture of myself.

I look back on pictures from last year and it's crazy to see how I've progressed.

I'm recovering from girl's weekend this week and feeling so good.

I want to look at this picture and remember this feeling.

I CAN do this and I WILL do this.

Slow and steady really does win the race.

I know that what I need to do is get back to basics.

Get closer to nature, by eating fruits, veggies, and wholesome foods.

I need to get my butt up, stop being lazy and workout.

Even if that just means talking a walk around the block, it's better than nothing.

I also need to make sure I rest and listen to my body and what it needs. 

Another thing I've been doing this week is giving myself positive encouragement,

A lot of times the voice in my head is really bitchy and mean.

She beats me down, and I used to think this was a great way to disipline myself.

It is in a way, but I've learned that I also need to nurture and love myself.

I mean who else is going to do that for me? No one. 

I need to make sure I am taking care of my self-image. 

I like to give myself daily affirmations, I CAN DO IT!

I AM AWESOME!

I'm also learning to take care of my spiritual health.

Today as I was doing homework I had procrastinated for my Book of Mormon class

I felt so good. I love reading it, and I feel so at peace when I do.

I realized that I need to stop leaving it all for last minute and I NEED to read everyday. 

It's my next goal.

I feel so swamped and overwhelmed by my homework and trying to get it all together

while I am missing home. And it gets so discouraging this whole weight loss thing. 

But in the end, I know I am making strivings towards a better future and I am very happy about that.

I AM GREAT, I CAN DO ANYTHING GOOD!

and...

I LOVE MY WHOLE HOUSE!

and I miss them so much, 52 more days MA! Here I come!

Straight hair, how strange

Girls Weekend

It has begun!

Crystal is brushing out my hair & revealing my 'fro.

It's probably my best party trick. 

We are watching The Holiday and eating chocolate.

What a great start!

OoOoOo we also went to the store and got beauty supplies

and baking treats for tomorrow.

Yes yes, I know yesterday I was all determined for "Operation Get Hot"

but emma needs a little TLC before I start getting serious.

Monday will be a game changer though.

Mark my words. 

Okay, it is 180 days until the end of finals. I AM GOING TO LOSE 35 POUNDS BY THEN.
ALRIGHT LETS DO THIS WOOOOOOOO

Okay, you know what 35 pounds is the new goal THIRTY FIVE POUNDS

With that in mind, it's time to work it like a beast. I am going hard core from now on.
No more freakin' sugar coating my life and thinking that it's okay that I am putting in minimual effort.
I am going to go hard. I am training like an athlete and doing my thing. 35 pounds by summer.
Then maintenance for the rest of my days. I CAN DO THIS, I WILL DO THIS.

NO FOOD, NO PERSON, NO LAZINESS CAN STOP ME.

PHYSICAL, MENTAL, SPIRITUAL WELLNESS. ITS THE GOAL.
LETS DO IT!

I am sososososo frustrated. I hate when I mess up. I feel guilty after every meal. I don't see any results and I swear I've gained 5 pounds. I'm just losing hope. And I am so busy being stressed and lonely and depressed. Its so hard to keep it together and keep moving forward when I feel so weak. I just need to tell myself YES I CAN. I just need to eat so good and EXERCISE MORE.
I'm just so tired and sad and I feel fatter than I ever have. Please tell me I will lose more weight and that I will   achieve my goals. It is the only thing I can even think about caring about right now. I just need it to happen. I need it to. I haven't even done that bad I just know that I have to do better if I want to see results.

UGH UGH UGH I HATE HOW I SOUND RIGHT NOW. I suck I really really do.

Library selfies.

This is my "I don't wanna study no more face."

This week has been stressful & full of work.

And gettin' off track from my "get hot" plan.

I'm in a bit of a rut, helppp. 

But it did have it's good aspects as well.

Plus  Saturday is a girl's day! Complete with spa essentials, girly movies, and relaxation. 

Ahhhh...can we speed things up so its the weekend already? 

"Transcendental Meditation became popular in the UK after The Beatles visited the Maharishi at his ashram in India in 1968."

stay hot, & work what you got

I'm sort of a nerdy nutrition freak these days.

Currently I'm ready, "Crazy, Sexy Diet" by Kris Carr.

Highly recommended, totally addicting & eye opening.

& I just watched the health documentary, "Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead"

So inspirational and equally eye-opening, if not more.

I cannot even believe my former eating habits.

I want to heave just reflecting on them. 

Now, if I can find a love for fitness, like I've found for nutrition,

I'm set for life. Next focus, get my butt in HIGH gear. Leggo.

MUSIC CRUSH

Just kissin' my boyfriend.

My roommate saw him in concert last week

AND HE SIGNED HER CD.

I've been angry at her ever since,

but mostly just love struck mwuahh

Sunday Love

Homework?

Ah, yes homework. It's what I should be doing.

Actually it's what I've successfully been avoiding for 2 days.

Or has it been 3? To be short, I'm a PROcrastinator.

As you can see breakfast was a grapefruit. 

lunch was a veggie burger *not pictured.

I'm recovering from a bit of a lazy weekend filled with too much food.

Actually it's been that way the past few weekends it seems.

I'll get there.

The real challenge of the week is to get my butt up & on a run.

Which is going to happen. And I'm going to learn to love it.

Or else.

No, but seriously, it's the next big step.

Besides the whole cutting out soda last week, which was a toughy.

I'm also acknowledging my vices.

In list form they consist of,

*soda (check!)

*fatty cheese

*peanut butter

*chocolate

I'm almost certain I could add to that list.

But for the most part, those are the foods I need to cut down & cut out. 

Wish me luck! Getting in shape is hard.

I just talked to the fam bam for almost 2 hours.

1st I called the house then Nana & Papa.

It's Papa's birthday & he was still at church, so I couldn't wish him a happy birthday!

So I talked to Nana about health stuff & my goals/routine.

& she told me about her strives to lose weight for surgery.

I'm proud that she is trying to make good choices.

I want to make sure I do that now so surgeries won't be a part of my future.

That phone call left me inspired.

It's nice to have positive reinforcements that are impressed with your progress and outlook.

I get inspired and pumped for the future. 

I am ready to run. I am ready to take a hold of my health & make good routines.

I want to be like my Papa, who can't get enough exercise.

I talked to my Nana about a lot of things, & I just feel so comforted.

It's so nice to know that I have family & friends out there who believe in me & my ambitions.

I just love to count my blessings. I have so many. 

I just wanna lay around & read books.

& learn guitar, & write letters to my friends.

& forget about the world & dream about my dreams. 

Oh, wait, I did. 

HUGE news

Okay life is happening.

My heart is so full and my mind is spinning.

Saturday was a part of history. I am a part of history.

I feel so many different things.

First off, I am so proud of the church for this huge step. 

What an incredible revelation.

As for me?

Search, ponder, & pray is my motto right now.

I think I might finally be getting my answer.

My future might be a little clearer than before.

Stay tuned. 

Thursday

Meet the roomies!

Allison, Alaura, Kim, Lani, & B-Day girl Courtney!

I got so lucky, these girls are awesome.

We went to Idaho Falls for Court's birthday

& I had Cafe Rio for the 1st time.

Apparently it's a big deal here, and now I see why!

So yummy! Court says her birthday is calorie free, so I also had some Kiwi Loco too.

Oh, confessions.

And while we are on the subject, I have a little rant. 

LOSING WEIGHT IS SO HARD AND IT SUCKS.

capital letters were necessary, because seriously my frustration is through the roof.

I'm just so frustrated with my body. And I know I should be grateful.

Because truly I haven't been doing bad at all, but I just feel like such a cow.

ALL.THE.TIME.

And I HATE HATE HATE it. I wish I didn't feel this way.

Honestly, it floors me that I let myself get SO bad to begin with.

Like if I feel like a fat cow now, what was I before I lost all this weight?

okay, I have no time for this rant right now.

I've gotta catch my zzz's. But it will be continued. Trust me. 

Happy Thoughts

A Few Happy Thoughts Lately:

1. Eating well, minus the pumpkin snickerdoodles I ate last night..& this morning YUM

2. Farmer's Markets! 

3. Getting in shape & making fitness goals

4. Getting inspired & wanting to learn more things..college does that to you i guess

5. The awesome people in my life who call, skype, & send me cards. It's hard to describe how much I love these people! They make my world go round! 

I just feel lucky, & happy. 

I know I better document it before it goes away!