Reflecting Light

I just looked back on my blog and I really miss the way I used to write. I was so happy! Life just seemed so magical and I had so much hope. I truely am making some changes.

Today was the perfect summer day. I had the day off so I spent time by the pool. I overdosed on sunscreen and read in the sun. I snuggled with my cat outside and just relaxed. It was so nice.

Spending time like this helps me reflect and dream. I have so much I want to do! I want to learn to paint and draw. I want to grow a garden. I want to lose weight and get in a regular exercise routine. I want to pick up yoga again. I want to travel America and see everything. I want to learn the guitar, and piano. Oh, and my new fancy ukuele! There are so many books that I want to read. I want to write a story. I want to have adventures. I want to have a house with a wrap around porch with a swing. I want to have kitties. I want to find something that makes me truely happy. Or someone.

There is so much to do. I need to start. Well, I actually already have I suppose! Summer days go by so fast, ecspecially with 2 jobs, church camps, and a string of get togethers. I am going to make the most of it while I can. But also, I'm just going to relax :)

Happy Summer

I honestly have. I've been in a crazy funk for far to long. I need to become my old self. Please let me get back to that.
Do you ever wonder if someone is genuinely being nice to you or if they are doing it for their own reasons? I think most people don't feel genuine.
Except there are lots of people in my life who really care about me. Maybe I should be better. Maybe I should change my attitude and stop all this woe is me crap. Ugh, everything just stinks. And it really doesn't have to be like this.

"Everything passes. Everything changes. Just do what you think you should do."

~Bob Dylan

Guess What?!

Yesterday was my birthday! Oh my, 17! This year has flown by, but not at all! How about a little year in review, shall we?!

~I went to Harry Potter World
~I got my first real job
~I got my permit, did drivers ed, finished driving time & *almost* got my liscense
~I survived AP English
~I went to prom
~I went on a college roadtrip
~I went to Washington DC & Virginia for the 1st time
~I took 1 PSAT, 1 Free SAT, 2 SATs, 1 AP, & 1 ACT. Whew.
~I joined Academic Decathelon & Recycling Club (Yay Extracurriculars.)
~I made new friends, lost some old ones. Let's not dwell.

I cannot think of anything else at the moment, but my, what a year I've had. I must say, ever since Summer Vacation started I've just be exhausted. This year has wiped me out. But of course, I've had some great experieces and memories. I've strengthened many relationships and I am very content with the people in my life. Being 16 was a great time, but I am sure 17 with be much better.

Holy Moly Me Oh My

It's the first day of summer! Boy, this year has flown. Not really though, it's actually been a lifetime! I spent my first day of summer working, and tomorrow I'll be at my second job, oh joy. But the day after I can finally relax! And Thursday's my birthday! 17 years old I can hardly believe it!

I've been dreaming and feeling super lazy and creative! This can only mean good things. Maybe I'll write a novel or paint a picture or finally learn to sew! I've been down in the dumps but this summer is all about getting better! Here's my little summer to do list...

~Write a Summer Journal
~Learn How to Sew
~Take a Proper Photography Class
~Finish my Grandparent Journal
~Finish Personal Progress
~Practice my Cooking
~Get into a Regular Exercise Routine
~Experiment with Painting or Poetry
~Read at least 10 books
~Learn Guitar from Dadddy!
~& Pick up Piano Again
I think this sounds like a solid, lovely summer. I will be working a bit, spending time with friends, *hopefully* getting my license finally (roadtest booked, July 19th eeee!), travelling a little, and basically relaxing before senior year starts. Can you believe it? A senior?!

Walk the Line

Someday I am going to be smaller and happier. I am going to find out where I am going and what I am doing. I am going to do all the things I have ever wanted to do and then some. I am going to find the sweetest boy in the world and marry him. I am going to have a job I love and I am going to make something with my life. I am going to have babies and cherish them and give them the best world any child has ever known. I am going to help people and love people. I will try to be as good as I can be. And I am going to be happy.

It just all sounds so perfect and wonderful. I hope it happens. I really really do. This dream is all I have to hold onto right now.

Change

Seriously starting my diet tomorrow. Like Ugh.
I love to shop. But I do not like dressing rooms. I seriously see them in my nightmares. I've probably had my best meltdowns in dressing rooms.

I have been planning on starting my diet soon anyways. 2 years ago I lost 36 pounds on atkins. And it changed my life. I felt so much better about myself. Plus I was skinny(er.)

I need to do something. You're only young once. I am not going to feel like this for the rest of my young years. I am not going to have health problems related to my weight/diet when I am older. And no diebetes like nana.

No sir. This is starting now. Healthy eating and lots of exercise. Maybe that can help me feel happy.

My Mind is a Swamp

So much life is passing me by. I just have to share before it gets lost in my swamp of a mind.

Charlotte had her Gala this weekend. And she did awesome, as usual. Her teacher for Musical Theater was actually part of the original cast of Chorus Line! I thought that was cool.

I actually always thought I would be an actress when I was younger. But then I grew up and realized it wasn't really for me. But I still love the performing arts SO much. There is nothing I love more than seeing a great show!

                                      It was Peter's Birthday last week!
My little brother Peter turned 12 last Thursday, and I honestly can't believe it! The kid is sprouting like a weed. I swear he is as tall as me if not taller now. On his birthday we got to see him in a play. He was the main character (the Big Bad Wolf.) Also, he got the Priesthood in Sunday. Then later on that day, he had a solo in his conservatory concert. He is so talented! It has been quite the birthday weekend for this guy. I am so proud of the kid he is becoming, even if I don't show it that much! Love ya Pete!

As for me, nothing too special is going on. I have finals until Monday which is just glorious. I plan on *finally* getting my liscense. I just need to book that road test. Then I have work at Hallmark & FWDCO next week. I'm trying to keep a positive outlook on life, although things are quite sucky.

Losing a good friend just is no fun. It's difficult to see her make all these changes. I miss the person she was. But I must remember to look out for myself. I have to get back to my happy self. Thank goodness summer is almost here!

Plus, my birthday is next week! I don't really have anything big planned, because I have been in this weird mood. I am however having lunch with friends, which will be lovely :)

Well, off to study for chem. Yuck. Wish me luck!

"I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it's the thing I like most. To laugh. It cures a mulitude of ills. It's probably the most important thing in a person."

~Audrey Hepburn

She is honestly my idol. I agree whole-heartedly with this statement.

16 going on 17

It's almost my birthday!

Okay

That's it. I'm going to be happy because life is beautiful.

At Times Like These

At times like these I like to reflect on the good things in life. All the wonderful experiences I've had, and all he people I've known. Last summer was such a great one. I felt good and happy, and that's where all these oldies came from.

I am at a seriously crossroads in my life. I do not know where I want to go or what I want to do. I don't feel specifically talented and I am torn as to which college to go to. It's so scary, this whole growing up thing. And it takes a lot out of me. I work really hard to be the person I want to be, but I keep getting side tracked. I feel high school poisoning me, with useless drama, stupid pressures, and the complete and utter feeling of not being good enough. Will I be good enough? I am having trouble believing so.

I know what I should do, apply for a school, get in, and studystudystudy. But what? I have no idea! Here is what I would love to do more than anything. My little fantasy. Travel cross country. Stopping and seeing everything worth wild. Learning Italian and learning guitar. Taking a million photographs. Reading every book on my list. Meeting new people. Discovering new foods. Drawing and seeing things from a new perspective. Having no plans and just simply enjoying the ride. I want to do that more than anything.

Then, on the other hand, I want to just crawl into a ball and not wake up until my life stops sucking. Blah, times like these. I wish things didn't hurt this much, and sometimes I wish I wasn't so different. I guess that's not really true though. I know I am different for a good purpose. But it really sucks sometimes.

I wish I would stop being so damn depressed. I need to take care of myself now because I do not like this feeling.

Music Crush

50+1

Saturday we had a 50+1 anniversary party for my grandparents (we never got around to it last year.)

I am so grateful to have such a wonderful example of love in my life.

Actually, I am lucky enough to have my parents as an example as well.

I love my family so much, and I can't wait to have a family of my own someday.

My Papa wrote the sweetest poem for the occasion,

and I just can't help but share it:

"We met at Sanford High School

In 1956

It wasn't long before we knew

That we'd become a mix

We went to proms and dances

Though we lived in different states

Then the Navy took us further apart

But soon things would be great

For on the 4th of June in '60

Our wedding vows were shared

Two hearts were bound together

Just because we cared

There's only few so lucky

To have the things we do

Companionship and friendship

And love that is so true

And from that love came children

Three girls and then a boy

They are our prized possessions

And bring to us great joy

Today we came to celebrate

That fifty years plus one

Of wedding bliss and happiness

With our daughters and our son

And with you all that came here

To share this special day

Thank you and God Bless You

For the friendship you display"

Art Nerdiness

Life has sucked for the past few weeks. But Saturday was a fun day!

I went with my friend Dougy to the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston! He considers himself as an art genius so I let him teach me all about linear and impressionism and all that cool artsy stuff which I have yet to learn. I do plan on learning more about art in the future, but Doug gave me an overview.

Anyways we had a great time there, being art nerds! I loved it. Then we spent some time on the Commons and wandering aimlessly around. We even came across some zombies! It was the annual Zombie March! That was cool and unexpected.

Saturday was a great day, but now I am back to my life. I am very done with school and the craziness it comes with. Summer come now!

* Almost forgot! I have a little bit of news! Hallmark (my place of employment...for now) has decided to share me with another store in the town next door. Meaning twice the shifts and twice the cash! Sweet deal! It's kind of cool to be the choosen one! :) Also, I will be a receptionist @ my mum's work this summer in mondays. Making bank.

Music Crush

I have loved Adele from the start. I think now I love her even more.

Cute Prom-Going Kids

Charlotte went to prom this weekend! Despite my lousy state I went to see her off, and I'm really glad I did! I mean, aren't they just the cutest things?

I loved her dress, and she looked insanely beautiful.

But, that's not out of the ordinary right?

Nope. It's not!