one of my fav movies

just bought Ellen's book "Seriously I'm Kidding"

She says the secret to life is kale

good to know

I took this picture in September!

It is when I was first in SLC,

it is our church's temple, probably one of the most famous ones. 

We also have a temple here on campus.

They are absolutely beautiful and I am so grateful we have them here on the earth today.

Anyways, I want to make myself a christmas break bucket list!

Here goes!

-clubbing with Brittany

-sibling date with my brothers

-hiking with the dogs

-panera/starbucks dates

-drive around & look at christmas lights

-try out new recipes for the family

-spend time with the babies & the whole family

-ugly sweater party

im sort of having a brain fog

I will add to this list later!

once you get fit, you never quit

Goals for this week:

workout 

eat healthy

study my scriptures

get my homework allllll done

have a great thanksgiving, fill up on veggies

simple as that.

this weekend was a calorie fest, it's time to get back on track

What if I dyed my hair purple?

Bucket list, people.

Just Little Things

A few images I am feeling inspired by today.

Also two of my favorite women.

Today I have a few things running through my mind.

-I love classical christmas tunes, why is it only 1 month of the year? whyyyyy?

-I've sort of become a domestic house mumma, I'm on a constant search for recipes,

is this real life? 

-I really love the scriptures, and my church, and this school.

It has really influenced me is such a positive way. 

I feel like a stronger person here, and I am so grateful for the Lord's hand in my life.

Or more accurately, his punches to my face. Cause I've seriously had some of those lately.

-

-I am grateful for repentance and progress.

-I am grateful for cold weather and warm food. Or chocolate-y food. Acually just food in general.

Oy veyyy.

-The eliptical is an absolutely miracle worker. 4, one hour work-outs this week and I already feel my buns of steel. Let's keep this going. 30 lbs. to go WOOOOOOOOOO

-I am grateful for my mumma and daddy. I just really really am.

-I'm also grateful for best friends and new friends. I love conversations that make you go WHOA

life's kinda awesome.

Weekends just rock. Even if I totally gain 5 pounds every time.

Here's to an awesome thanksgiving week. 

Now to do homework BLEH

made black bean brownies, they were healthy and bland.

So I melted a bag of dark chocolate chips on them. Much better.

Also, have I mentioned how awesome my roommates are?

December will be bittersweeet

Yum Healthy Eats

I just love my church.

I am not promoting it through this video,

I just think it shows the pure love we have for everyone no matter the circumstance.

I wish I could have been a part of this service. 

How incredible. 

Sunday School

Like I said before, the Lord seriously knows what I need.

Today's class was so powerful to me.

I just felt like it was exactly what I needed to progress into the next week, ready to take on the world.

Because I know that I can do it. I have support and I am making myself better!

These videos absolutely killed me.

I was on the verge of becoming a blubbering mess.

Just watch.

Today

I think that God really knows me.

Like he just knows exactly what I need sometimes.

I've had the worst week.

I just felt so depressed and hopeless.

Today has been a great day!

I had multiple dance parties with my roomies,

chatted with my bff,

had a relief society party,

a walk with my roommate aka my big sista,

I made veggie chili for family dinner tomorrow,

I skyped with one of my BEST friends,

I went shopping,

I decorated the apartment for christmas,

& now I am watching a girly movie.

I am just so grateful for sweet roommates,

wonderful friends who say things you just need to hear,

the power of this season,

hope for future progress,

my family, 

and CHRISTMAS!

"You have to rip yourself apart, to put yourself together"

So, I look at these pictures and they inspire me.

TO LOSE WEIGHT!

I mean, ew, how did I get SO bad? 

I've had a really off week this week, 

but seeing these makes me want to jump back on the bandwagon.

I pledge right now, to never, EVER be at that weight EVER again. 

If anything, I never want to be at the weight I am right now EVER again.

30 pounds from now, I will finally be satisfied.

Let's hope. 

It's a long process, I mean it takes A WHILE to really get in shape.

It is not magic. It is science. 

And I do mess up.

But honey I am on my way to a fuller life.

I want to do this and make it a big fat, "suck it!" to the people who thought of me as just a fatty.

I'm so much more than my weight.

I have great qualities.

I am an intelligent, caring person.

I want my outer beauty to reflect my inner strength and self.

I will NEVER EVER give up this process.

I have struggled for too long. And I am too happy with my progress

to ever think about going back.

I do not care that this entire blog consists of me ranting about my weight.

It's my blog and this is what is running through my head. 

This was taken just about a year ago at christmastime.

Sometimes when I feel hopeless,

I grab a big drink of water

and look at this girl.

She wanted to change so badly.

Now here I am, doing so well.

I've grown so much & made so much progress.

I want to keep going for her. 

Because she really wanted this. 

I really want this. 

It is really just one of those days.

Okay listen.

Eat only good, whole foods for your body.

Exercise everyday.

Get a good night's rest.

Read scriptures daily.

Pray as often as possible.

Stretchhhh.

Be creative.

\Be nice.

Spread your love.

Expand your mind.

Study your heart out.

Drink lots of water.

Ready?

Go. 

Xmas List

It's never too early right? Besides I like to give Santa lots of options! 

To be quite honest, the flight home is the only Christmas present I need...

But just in case, I thought I'd give mom & dad 

a little helpful hint, just in case...;) 

Emma's Xmas List

(in no particular order)

-yoga leggings (victoria secret)

-sneakers

-cozy socks

-instax mini

-air popper

-kinfolk magazine

-blender/juicer

-northface jacket

-fringed moccasins

*see also amazon wish list

As you can tell, I am very much in the Christmas spirit.

And um, hellllllooo! Why shouldn't I be?

Thanksgiving is basically a pre-xmas anyways. 

Music Crush

Little Things

talking to my family, particular my tough little brother

skyping some of my best friends

awesome roommates

grandma fudge

making family sunday dinner

christmas music, don't judge

planning for the future

going to the gym

taking time to focus on the progress I've made

learning to say,"it's okay, tomorrow will be better"

cleaning my room

getting wicked good grades on tests, like a boss

old shirts that are much looser

finding new recipes

getting excited for the holidays

remembering who I am and where I came from

care packages from friends and family

my dad

my mom

40 DAYS UNTIL I GO HOME!

I am like obsessed with creating a beautiful life.

I am so excited to have my own home someday.

Just so I can decorate in my own style and throw dinner parties for my friends.

I want to learn how to cook beautiful meals, and make memorable moments.

Is this too domestic housewife of me? I hope my little dreams aren't shallow. 

I also hope I can make these things happen.

I want to have my little business, cafe-type thing and possibly live in the city. 

If not, that's fine too. Just as long as I'm close to the people I love.

Right now I am obsessing over recipes and cooking/baking.

I want to test SO many recipes, but, alas, I am a poor college kid.

Let's pray I win the lottery so I can make all my dreams happen.

Actually I'll just work my butt off, results are more likely that way.

Um, also, I may be a little late to jump on the bandwagon, but I love goop.

It just gives me more creative ideas. Laaaave it! 

NOvember

NOvember Goals:

-run 12 miles a week on the eliptical (3 miles, 4 times a week/2 miles, 6 times a week)
-lift, push-ups, workout the arms!!!
-insanity with the roommates! woo!
-NO sugar, NOvember
-eat healthy
-make good choices
-GET HOT

NOvember is going to to be good to me. It really is.

Dressed up all pretty today, but I haven't even stepped foot outside.

Stupid homework. Why do you like to pile up on me like this?

Sigh. In other news, I got a care package from my bestest friend Brittany.

It basically made me feel a million times happier.

Also I went to the gym yesterday and I LOVED IT

I forgot how great it feels. So that is happening SO much more often. I swear. 

Also, tomorrow is halloween & my roommate and I are listening to Christmas music.

Haters gonna hate, right? 

Happy Sunday

Sunday afternoon documentary. I crieddd

I'm Sorry

I apologize for the profanity.

BUT HOLY CRAP, THIS BLOG 

I seriously cracked up for a good 20 minutes

Productivity

Today I got some stuff done..cray cray

-dry brushed my skin, tmi? maybe. but it's a big deal. it's real good for your largest organ.

-took a math test. 92% owned it!

-went to the math lab, did homework like a boss.

-completely decked out our apartment door with halloweenie goodness, we rock

-went to a seminar thingy for science, 2% extra credit for the class, woot woot

-AND (saved the best for last) went to a mormon SEX class for women, totally interesting

Also, I ate good, got a halloween package from the fam, and it snowed.

Oh wait, that totally sucks. Now I think it's close to Christmas but it's really not. 

Happy Halloween Mother Nature? I guess this is my unofficial welcome to Idaho.

christmas music is happening now. i dont even care. sinatra holiday pandora station = true love

Thoughts

So, I love this picture of myself.

I look back on pictures from last year and it's crazy to see how I've progressed.

I'm recovering from girl's weekend this week and feeling so good.

I want to look at this picture and remember this feeling.

I CAN do this and I WILL do this.

Slow and steady really does win the race.

I know that what I need to do is get back to basics.

Get closer to nature, by eating fruits, veggies, and wholesome foods.

I need to get my butt up, stop being lazy and workout.

Even if that just means talking a walk around the block, it's better than nothing.

I also need to make sure I rest and listen to my body and what it needs. 

Another thing I've been doing this week is giving myself positive encouragement,

A lot of times the voice in my head is really bitchy and mean.

She beats me down, and I used to think this was a great way to disipline myself.

It is in a way, but I've learned that I also need to nurture and love myself.

I mean who else is going to do that for me? No one. 

I need to make sure I am taking care of my self-image. 

I like to give myself daily affirmations, I CAN DO IT!

I AM AWESOME!

I'm also learning to take care of my spiritual health.

Today as I was doing homework I had procrastinated for my Book of Mormon class

I felt so good. I love reading it, and I feel so at peace when I do.

I realized that I need to stop leaving it all for last minute and I NEED to read everyday. 

It's my next goal.

I feel so swamped and overwhelmed by my homework and trying to get it all together

while I am missing home. And it gets so discouraging this whole weight loss thing. 

But in the end, I know I am making strivings towards a better future and I am very happy about that.

I AM GREAT, I CAN DO ANYTHING GOOD!

and...

I LOVE MY WHOLE HOUSE!

and I miss them so much, 52 more days MA! Here I come!

Straight hair, how strange

Girls Weekend

It has begun!

Crystal is brushing out my hair & revealing my 'fro.

It's probably my best party trick. 

We are watching The Holiday and eating chocolate.

What a great start!

OoOoOo we also went to the store and got beauty supplies

and baking treats for tomorrow.

Yes yes, I know yesterday I was all determined for "Operation Get Hot"

but emma needs a little TLC before I start getting serious.

Monday will be a game changer though.

Mark my words. 

Okay, it is 180 days until the end of finals. I AM GOING TO LOSE 35 POUNDS BY THEN.
ALRIGHT LETS DO THIS WOOOOOOOO

Okay, you know what 35 pounds is the new goal THIRTY FIVE POUNDS

With that in mind, it's time to work it like a beast. I am going hard core from now on.
No more freakin' sugar coating my life and thinking that it's okay that I am putting in minimual effort.
I am going to go hard. I am training like an athlete and doing my thing. 35 pounds by summer.
Then maintenance for the rest of my days. I CAN DO THIS, I WILL DO THIS.

NO FOOD, NO PERSON, NO LAZINESS CAN STOP ME.

PHYSICAL, MENTAL, SPIRITUAL WELLNESS. ITS THE GOAL.
LETS DO IT!

I am sososososo frustrated. I hate when I mess up. I feel guilty after every meal. I don't see any results and I swear I've gained 5 pounds. I'm just losing hope. And I am so busy being stressed and lonely and depressed. Its so hard to keep it together and keep moving forward when I feel so weak. I just need to tell myself YES I CAN. I just need to eat so good and EXERCISE MORE.
I'm just so tired and sad and I feel fatter than I ever have. Please tell me I will lose more weight and that I will   achieve my goals. It is the only thing I can even think about caring about right now. I just need it to happen. I need it to. I haven't even done that bad I just know that I have to do better if I want to see results.

UGH UGH UGH I HATE HOW I SOUND RIGHT NOW. I suck I really really do.

Library selfies.

This is my "I don't wanna study no more face."

This week has been stressful & full of work.

And gettin' off track from my "get hot" plan.

I'm in a bit of a rut, helppp. 

But it did have it's good aspects as well.

Plus  Saturday is a girl's day! Complete with spa essentials, girly movies, and relaxation. 

Ahhhh...can we speed things up so its the weekend already? 

"Transcendental Meditation became popular in the UK after The Beatles visited the Maharishi at his ashram in India in 1968."

stay hot, & work what you got

I'm sort of a nerdy nutrition freak these days.

Currently I'm ready, "Crazy, Sexy Diet" by Kris Carr.

Highly recommended, totally addicting & eye opening.

& I just watched the health documentary, "Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead"

So inspirational and equally eye-opening, if not more.

I cannot even believe my former eating habits.

I want to heave just reflecting on them. 

Now, if I can find a love for fitness, like I've found for nutrition,

I'm set for life. Next focus, get my butt in HIGH gear. Leggo.

MUSIC CRUSH

Just kissin' my boyfriend.

My roommate saw him in concert last week

AND HE SIGNED HER CD.

I've been angry at her ever since,

but mostly just love struck mwuahh

Sunday Love

Homework?

Ah, yes homework. It's what I should be doing.

Actually it's what I've successfully been avoiding for 2 days.

Or has it been 3? To be short, I'm a PROcrastinator.

As you can see breakfast was a grapefruit. 

lunch was a veggie burger *not pictured.

I'm recovering from a bit of a lazy weekend filled with too much food.

Actually it's been that way the past few weekends it seems.

I'll get there.

The real challenge of the week is to get my butt up & on a run.

Which is going to happen. And I'm going to learn to love it.

Or else.

No, but seriously, it's the next big step.

Besides the whole cutting out soda last week, which was a toughy.

I'm also acknowledging my vices.

In list form they consist of,

*soda (check!)

*fatty cheese

*peanut butter

*chocolate

I'm almost certain I could add to that list.

But for the most part, those are the foods I need to cut down & cut out. 

Wish me luck! Getting in shape is hard.

I just talked to the fam bam for almost 2 hours.

1st I called the house then Nana & Papa.

It's Papa's birthday & he was still at church, so I couldn't wish him a happy birthday!

So I talked to Nana about health stuff & my goals/routine.

& she told me about her strives to lose weight for surgery.

I'm proud that she is trying to make good choices.

I want to make sure I do that now so surgeries won't be a part of my future.

That phone call left me inspired.

It's nice to have positive reinforcements that are impressed with your progress and outlook.

I get inspired and pumped for the future. 

I am ready to run. I am ready to take a hold of my health & make good routines.

I want to be like my Papa, who can't get enough exercise.

I talked to my Nana about a lot of things, & I just feel so comforted.

It's so nice to know that I have family & friends out there who believe in me & my ambitions.

I just love to count my blessings. I have so many. 

I just wanna lay around & read books.

& learn guitar, & write letters to my friends.

& forget about the world & dream about my dreams. 

Oh, wait, I did. 

HUGE news

Okay life is happening.

My heart is so full and my mind is spinning.

Saturday was a part of history. I am a part of history.

I feel so many different things.

First off, I am so proud of the church for this huge step. 

What an incredible revelation.

As for me?

Search, ponder, & pray is my motto right now.

I think I might finally be getting my answer.

My future might be a little clearer than before.

Stay tuned. 

Thursday

Meet the roomies!

Allison, Alaura, Kim, Lani, & B-Day girl Courtney!

I got so lucky, these girls are awesome.

We went to Idaho Falls for Court's birthday

& I had Cafe Rio for the 1st time.

Apparently it's a big deal here, and now I see why!

So yummy! Court says her birthday is calorie free, so I also had some Kiwi Loco too.

Oh, confessions.

And while we are on the subject, I have a little rant. 

LOSING WEIGHT IS SO HARD AND IT SUCKS.

capital letters were necessary, because seriously my frustration is through the roof.

I'm just so frustrated with my body. And I know I should be grateful.

Because truly I haven't been doing bad at all, but I just feel like such a cow.

ALL.THE.TIME.

And I HATE HATE HATE it. I wish I didn't feel this way.

Honestly, it floors me that I let myself get SO bad to begin with.

Like if I feel like a fat cow now, what was I before I lost all this weight?

okay, I have no time for this rant right now.

I've gotta catch my zzz's. But it will be continued. Trust me. 

Happy Thoughts

A Few Happy Thoughts Lately:

1. Eating well, minus the pumpkin snickerdoodles I ate last night..& this morning YUM

2. Farmer's Markets! 

3. Getting in shape & making fitness goals

4. Getting inspired & wanting to learn more things..college does that to you i guess

5. The awesome people in my life who call, skype, & send me cards. It's hard to describe how much I love these people! They make my world go round! 

I just feel lucky, & happy. 

I know I better document it before it goes away!